I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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