So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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