Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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