Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
