can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
