Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize