He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
