I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
