you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
