were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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