Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
