in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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