she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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