i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
