We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
