Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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