dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
