Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
