just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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