Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
