no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
