when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize