i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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