last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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