I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
