Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
