Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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