Where is the hickey?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
