I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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