East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
