I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
