I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
