Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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