Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
