Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
