So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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