Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
