If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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