The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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