two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize