if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
