Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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