I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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