Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
