it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
