I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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