I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize