He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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