Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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