and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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