So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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