Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
