I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
