I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
