i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
