If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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