A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need to sanitize my soul.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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