let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
