just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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