I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
