i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize