It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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