Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
